So, people I know are starting to talk about it. So I'm going to start fucking talking about. Because we don't. We all go to our Women's Studies classes and talk about consciousness raising and laugh at how trite and old fashioned that is because we're living in a new century and we ALWAYS talk about things and we all KNOW HOW TO HANDLE OURSELVES and men HAVE MORE RESPECT NOW. I do it, too. Of course I do because now we know about things that weren't talked about AT ALL before these women in the 60s and 70s finally did, and so we're astounded that before that they never knew that every woman is harassed and many are assaulted. So we think they're silly for not knowing. Well, it's Bullshit. Because now we all know that it happens to "people" but not to our friends and family, and when it does we ignore it or BLAME THEM. So talk about it.
I'm going to. I'm going to post things that have happened and I'm going to post about it when they do. Because from the catcalls and honked horns I get when I go out with my girlfriend EVERY DAY to the borderline stalkers I've had more than a couple of times in my life, I still get to call myself lucky because no one has raped me by manipulation or force. Yep. I never got held down and fucked against my will, so I should call myself lucky. What kind of fucking world are we living in when I get to say that? When I'm expected to say that because other women have it worse? Where women like myself, who have been mentally and emotionally and to some degree sexually abused have to feel guilty for hurting because they know other women who've had it so much worse. We shouldn't all know women who have it so much worse. We shouldn't be in that kind of position but when women talk about that, men and other women tell us we're overreacting. So here's me overreacting.
When I was at Murray State University, more than a couple of guys hit on me. One creepster pretty much all but stalked me, and I report him. But he's another story. This is another issue. When I was at Murray, during my Spring semester, I had a pretty serious back flare up. I have a slipped disk in my spine, and it got so bad after a couple of weeks of transportation related abuses (buses, planes, sleeping on the floor, etc.) that by late January I was in a wheel chair. I spent three months, approximately, in that wheel chair. And maybe this is going to make me sound paranoid or crazy, but a lot of men seemed to think it was not only their duty, but their right as bigstrongmen to push my wheelchair for me.
I had friends volunteer, and that was fine. I understand friends helping one another, and I appreciated it. But men I'd never met, never even had a class with, would use my being wheelchair bound as a way into hitting on me. They would ask me if I needed help, and if I declined, they would badger me in an attempt to convince me to allow myself to put my physical well being in their hands. And if that's all they ever did, that would be one thing. But then they'd use that time to ask me for my number, email address, hobbies, and yes, dates. I had men who I'd refused to allow push me then proceed to follow me back to the entrance of my dorm, where I'd have the RAs who watched the doors escort them back out. I had men see me with Faye, later in the day, and tease or yell at me for having her, my partner, push me. I was heckled because I didn't accept their advanced but did allow others (Faye, men and women who were close friends).
My being in a wheelchair, during that time, made me a target because it was physically difficult to escape. As opposed to being respected (ideally) or perhaps pitied (less preferable), I was simply seen as prey. I was an injured women, perhaps a disabled woman. That meant that I was not only easier to "catch" in a physical sense, but I believe it was also assumed as a "non-desirable" I was more likely to acquiesce to their advances. When I didn't, my handicap also made me the target of extra hate. Not only was a frigid, a bitch, a dirty lesbian, but now a lousy cripple, a self-loathing and hateful person who rejected their kindhearted attempts to rescue me from the pains of pushing the wheels of my chair along.
This is true, I think, in general. Women who are beautiful, sexy, attractive get shit for not using their "gifts" to please men, the way "God" meant them to. But women who are in any way "abnormal" - overweight, unconventional, handicapped, etc., are targeted because they're "desperate" for the attention they otherwise never get. And so we should be begging to fuck any man who acknowledges our existence. Both of these views of women are incorrect. For one, because every woman is beautiful and deserves respect, and for another because women, beautiful or boring, don't owe anyone a damned thing for having been born without a penis. The end.