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apathy and urgency
25 March 2009 @ 01:52 am
1) Comment to this and I will give you 3 people.
2) Post this meme with your answers.
3) Provide pictures and the names of 3 people.
4) Label which you would marry, shag, and throw off a cliff.

From astaria51

I was given Geoff Rickly, Juliette Lewis, and Shemar Moore

And now, with commentary and tons of fantabulous photos, I present you with my choices!

CliffCollapse )

ShagCollapse )

MarryCollapse )
just look inside: predatoryridiculous
apathy and urgency
18 February 2009 @ 03:01 am
So I wanted to see what people thought about a chocolate making venture I'm considering. It would almost definitely be through etsy first, then potentially expanding to include a website and somesuch. I would buy my chocolate from a supplier that does it's own processing and roasting, hand temper the chocolate myself, cast it in molds and fill it with handmade ganaches. Each chocolate would be hand painted/designed using FDA approved, food grade colorings and luster dust. I can't entirely determine cost yet because I don't know how many I can make per pound of chocolate, but I'm guess than a 1/4 box (about 10 pieces) would be in the $15-25.00 range, which is more expensive than Godiva or Lindt but less expensive than Vosges, Jacques Torres, or Norman Love. They would be made to order so that everything is fresh.

What I'd like to know is, basically, would people be interested, which things sound great, which sound bad, what collections people think sound best, if the pricing is reasonable for the expected quality and work involved, and whatever other thoughts people might have. Also! Questions that you, as a potential customer, might have about the products would also be good for my working process.

Thanks so much in advance!!

A Huge List of Collections and Flavors HereCollapse )
just look inside: curiouscurious
apathy and urgency
29 May 2008 @ 08:05 pm
So, people I know are starting to talk about it. So I'm going to start fucking talking about. Because we don't. We all go to our Women's Studies classes and talk about consciousness raising and laugh at how trite and old fashioned that is because we're living in a new century and we ALWAYS talk about things and we all KNOW HOW TO HANDLE OURSELVES and men HAVE MORE RESPECT NOW. I do it, too. Of course I do because now we know about things that weren't talked about AT ALL before these women in the 60s and 70s finally did, and so we're astounded that before that they never knew that every woman is harassed and many are assaulted. So we think they're silly for not knowing. Well, it's Bullshit. Because now we all know that it happens to "people" but not to our friends and family, and when it does we ignore it or BLAME THEM. So talk about it.

I'm going to. I'm going to post things that have happened and I'm going to post about it when they do. Because from the catcalls and honked horns I get when I go out with my girlfriend EVERY DAY to the borderline stalkers I've had more than a couple of times in my life, I still get to call myself lucky because no one has raped me by manipulation or force. Yep. I never got held down and fucked against my will, so I should call myself lucky. What kind of fucking world are we living in when I get to say that? When I'm expected to say that because other women have it worse? Where women like myself, who have been mentally and emotionally and to some degree sexually abused have to feel guilty for hurting because they know other women who've had it so much worse. We shouldn't all know women who have it so much worse. We shouldn't be in that kind of position but when women talk about that, men and other women tell us we're overreacting. So here's me overreacting.

When I was at Murray State University, more than a couple of guys hit on me. One creepster pretty much all but stalked me, and I report him. But he's another story. This is another issue. When I was at Murray, during my Spring semester, I had a pretty serious back flare up. I have a slipped disk in my spine, and it got so bad after a couple of weeks of transportation related abuses (buses, planes, sleeping on the floor, etc.) that by late January I was in a wheel chair. I spent three months, approximately, in that wheel chair. And maybe this is going to make me sound paranoid or crazy, but a lot of men seemed to think it was not only their duty, but their right as bigstrongmen to push my wheelchair for me.

I had friends volunteer, and that was fine. I understand friends helping one another, and I appreciated it. But men I'd never met, never even had a class with, would use my being wheelchair bound as a way into hitting on me. They would ask me if I needed help, and if I declined, they would badger me in an attempt to convince me to allow myself to put my physical well being in their hands. And if that's all they ever did, that would be one thing. But then they'd use that time to ask me for my number, email address, hobbies, and yes, dates. I had men who I'd refused to allow push me then proceed to follow me back to the entrance of my dorm, where I'd have the RAs who watched the doors escort them back out. I had men see me with Faye, later in the day, and tease or yell at me for having her, my partner, push me. I was heckled because I didn't accept their advanced but did allow others (Faye, men and women who were close friends).

My being in a wheelchair, during that time, made me a target because it was physically difficult to escape. As opposed to being respected (ideally) or perhaps pitied (less preferable), I was simply seen as prey. I was an injured women, perhaps a disabled woman. That meant that I was not only easier to "catch" in a physical sense, but I believe it was also assumed as a "non-desirable" I was more likely to acquiesce to their advances. When I didn't, my handicap also made me the target of extra hate. Not only was a frigid, a bitch, a dirty lesbian, but now a lousy cripple, a self-loathing and hateful person who rejected their kindhearted attempts to rescue me from the pains of pushing the wheels of my chair along.

This is true, I think, in general. Women who are beautiful, sexy, attractive get shit for not using their "gifts" to please men, the way "God" meant them to. But women who are in any way "abnormal" - overweight, unconventional, handicapped, etc., are targeted because they're "desperate" for the attention they otherwise never get. And so we should be begging to fuck any man who acknowledges our existence. Both of these views of women are incorrect. For one, because every woman is beautiful and deserves respect, and for another because women, beautiful or boring, don't owe anyone a damned thing for having been born without a penis. The end.
apathy and urgency
So, my beads have arrived and I've made a few sample necklaces, which I'll post photos of soon.

Basically, I'm doing necklaces (or bracelets, or if you really want them, earrings). I'm trying to make a (tiny) amount of money from them. I have lots of colors and can special order others. I have various sizes and shapes. I also have pretty good design skillz.

I use sterling silver findings because it's the least likely to cause an allergic reaction in people. I use clear elastic thread to prevent breaking, though I can special order jewelry wire or chains. All of the beads I have are currently Czech Druks or Cubes or Japanese Delicas, all glass. I'm thinking about expanding into wooden beads, pearls, and crystal. If that would interest you, let me know. I will never work with true bone beads because of social/political issues, but anything else can probably be done. Price will mostly be dependent on bead types and amounts, not on the amount of time spent on a project. I can do chokers, multi-stand, incredibly long pieces meant to be double or triple looped, whatever.

So if anyone wants to throw a little cash my way for handmade jewelry bits, comment and we can work something out. I'm honestly not even making minimum wage doing this, I'm just trying to make some little bit of spending money in my free time. Think about it, have ideas, comment here.
just look inside: toucheddesigning
apathy and urgency
01 March 2006 @ 01:11 am
Taken from some dude's whiny post.

I don't even give a shit about those guys, but that is the BEST ANGRY MOMENT OF 06. And we are only 2 months in. It will not be outdone. Ever.

The dude I knew never would have worn a fucking dinosaur shirt.

Where the fuck does that come from, man?
just look inside: amusedamused
apathy and urgency
08 July 2005 @ 11:59 pm
Okay. Let me ask this honestly.

What am I supposed to do?

What is it that I can do that will allow me to spend time with my friends, like, once in a while? I've said they can drink, smoke and get high. And if it bothers me, I'll step outside. But because I ask that people not get drunk, I'm still outcast and not invited places unless I FIND OUT they've gone out and ask why I wasn't invited. Then it's like, "Oh yeah. Oops." And everyone says it's about my drinking issues.

....drinking issues? People, alcoholism is like, as common as having SKIN in my family. And alcoholism isn't like, "I won't drink, therefore I am fine." It's a fight not to try it, because it's easy to fuck up. And I don't think anyone would attack me with a beer or something - I know you guys aren't assholes. I realize this. But accidental peer pressure is so much HARDER to deal with than that. It's you knowing alcohol can be fun, knowing it's normal, seeing everyone you care about drinking and STILL having to tell yourself NO. It's SO FUCKING HARD. It was hard in Dublin. It was harder when I turned 21. I'm fucking LEGAL. And every restaurant I go to I see mixed drinks, flavored martinis, coffee with liquor - and I could so buy them. And the only reason I don't is because Faye and people I care about remind me, not verbally but by their presence, not to.

I'm not saying people should stop drinking. I AM NOT STUPID. I AM NOT UNFAIR. People should be able to drink. And if someone is going to nurse a beer or have a cup of sake around me, it's cool. But please don't fucking isolate me from my entire friends group because my beliefs and needs are different.

Is it so bad of me to want that? To want maybe 2-3 hours at Mark's or OUT that people are like, "Okay, we won't get drunk." Or even a warning like, don't get drunk until we leave, and if you all decide you WANT to heavily drink, let us know so Faye's parents can pick us up before you start. If that unfair, really? Just at least warning us first so we can go home??

We don't want people to work around us entirely. We don't expect a lot. We're lonely. We feel completely abandoned by our friends because we have to beg to pull people away from the crowd but the crowd doesn't want us around right now because we're inconvenient. I don't mean that in a rude way, I mean it because it's true. It takes more time to plan around us, so people don't even bother calling anymore. It hurts our feelings. I was especially hurt today because I told Lacey all of this and we still didn't get called. I said whatever you guys do is fine, as long as we can leave if there's a lot of drinking later...and no one called until everyone was already downtown. I made a big deal out of hanging out and making up and talking with everyone. And we were left out again.

This is crazy because it's driving ME crazy. All of the people I trust most in KY are avoiding me, or not calling until they're elsewhere and have plans. And it's not like you're all, "Fuck them!" but it makes people paranoid when they can't do ANYTHING to make people happy. It's exhausting to explain your pov every day to a different person and most of the time people don't understand why it matters so much. But when you've been through this crap (AA, seeing people hit bottom, knowing what can happen to people like me if they fuck up), you know. And you shouldn't have to go through it, but at the same time, I wish people would realize and respect that I do know and I need my friends to help me. Just once in a while. I can't...I can't just give up who I am. Why can't we compromise a LITTLE? Please??
just look inside: depresseddepressed
apathy and urgency
02 April 2005 @ 01:25 pm
So, I've finally gotten around to scanning the handfasting pics. In the next few days I'll also post pics from the hours right after, and then just general Spring Break picses. So ..wait for those I guess?

Huge Pictures AheadCollapse )
just look inside: cheerfulcheerful
apathy and urgency
15 November 2003 @ 12:03 am
I'm starting a community for EMRM. Join now and stay for the month or well after. It's an important movement and we'll need help year round. Please check it out and tell your friends!!


The whole thing isn't set up yet but you can still join and post.
apathy and urgency
05 November 2003 @ 09:37 pm
Girllurve Icons - Cuddles, kissage, handholding and more.

Iconage!Collapse )
apathy and urgency
04 November 2003 @ 07:55 pm
The website for EMRM is up here. It's not huge or overly extravagant but it's wonderful and a labor of love by dizzyskitzo. Thank you so much, hon! YAY!
apathy and urgency
01 November 2003 @ 12:35 pm
Wheee! It's the first day of Equal Marriage Rights Month AND the first day of NaNoWriMo! Am I a bit stressed and overworked? Yes. Am I going to deal with it and make both of these things work? Hell yes. *grins*

Website should be almost complete. BUTTONS ARE UP AT MUSHYCAT! Eee! How much does everyone lurve Ken? *bounces* I'm going to do an order for myself and the locals sometime soon. Because we all need buttons! Very cool buttons!

I'm actually thinking about making a poster that people can print out and hang for the month. Yes. Will go do that now. You shall have posters, my darlings!!! POSTERS! *grins*

I have no idea what to write about. I could try and expand some of my ficlet bunnies but they're more small, short term things. Hrm. Will work on it.
apathy and urgency
29 October 2003 @ 01:07 pm
Hey everyone! I just need a couple of poems or photos or essays and we can make the site. So if anyone has one to submit, just link me or post here or email me! Should be nice. It's almost November! Get ready, everyone.

Also, if anyone has made their own banners? Please email them to me so they can go up on the site. Thanks. Eee!
apathy and urgency
24 October 2003 @ 02:06 pm
Hey everyone!

Could anyone who's been keeping up with these please link to this post in your journal and any communities you feel this would stay on topic with??

I really would like anyone who reads this to write or create something. Take a picture. Write a poem. Rant. Give me an essay. Gather famous quote about equal rights, love, whatever feels right. Make banners and icons. Then email it all to so we can pull together a great website. I've got people willing to help design it, we need content from all over. It's up to us to make a change, we can't expect everyone else to be our voice. If we don't speak up then no one will. Speaking of which, does anyone want to read over what I wrote? I want to make a point without being too confrontational (which is horribly hard given the subject). Thanks.

If we pull this off it can be huge and each and every one of us is making a difference in not just our future but the future of millions of loving couples. Change in the future starts with speaking up today. Thanks.
apathy and urgency
23 October 2003 @ 02:04 pm

All of the above buttons link to the website that you can buy them from. They aren't up yet, should be by the end of the month, but I'm sure you could ask specifically for them and Ken could make them. Aren't they lovely?!

If the pics don't load, just right click and show picture, should work. txt files are sometimes bitchy.
apathy and urgency
21 October 2003 @ 08:03 pm
Just emailed Ken from Mushycat about making Equal Marriage Rights Month buttons. I hope he accepts!! *crosses fingers* And, even if he doesn't, go support him anyway. He's a great guy with a ton of awesome buttons, including wonderful glbtq ones. Hurrah!
apathy and urgency
21 October 2003 @ 03:23 pm
Okay, so it's time to start planning a website for Equal Marriage Rights Month and I'm asking that people out there contribute. Please help out by donating rants, poems, essays, banners, icons and links you think would help. Anyone who's better at web design than me and wants to help, let me know and I'll get the info to you. Thank you everyone for you support, I've got 50 comments to the original post and links up all over, thank you!
apathy and urgency
16 October 2003 @ 01:11 pm
I've been thinking that, because of many things (this stupid "Marriage Protection Week", the yo-yo of gay, bisexual, transgender and other people's rights to marry lately and the LJ Protest Day that took place yesterday), that I should form a protest of my own. A huge one, if we can manage. LJ is giant. The internet is even bigger. And we have over two weeks before it officially starts. So we have time for banners, icons, possibly even a small freespace website if anyone can help me (anyway want to work with me?)and email all of our friends and family. This can spread. Big time. We can make November mean so much more than their pathetic protection week. We can remind them, whether they care or it means anything TO them, that LOVE is what matters in marriage. And that they aren't going to be able to control people's emotions forever. We all have rights. It's time we stood up for them. Together. Gay, straight, bi, questioning, male, female, transgender, asexual, doesn't matter.

So take these beginner banners (preferably saving them to your own space) and post them anywhere. Your journal, user info, website, computer wallpaper, anything. Send them out, show them off, start a movement. Together we WILL make a difference. And when the time comes maybe the local news, the papers, the magazines...they'll be called and see what we've done. We'll have at least stood up for something. And for people who're straight and wondering, "Why should I care?" And I'll tell you that someday your son or daughter, sister, brother, niece, nephew or grandchild could be gay. And maybe they fall in love, REALLY IN LOVE and are denied the rights you had. This isn't just about us, it's about people we love for years to come. Make this matter. Thank you.

Further Babbling/RantingCollapse )
just look inside: determineddetermined
apathy and urgency
15 October 2003 @ 11:13 pm
When Faye was here we watched Zoolander together and for those of you who haven't seen it, the male model/actor award given in a small scene in the movie was called the "Slashie" award. That gave us an idea. Sooo...I am now accepting nominations for the first ever Slashie Awards (The Slashies) in the following categories:

1. Best Small Screen Slashie Male Pairing:

2. Best Small Screen Slashie Female Pairing:

3. Best Big Screen Slashie Male Pairing:

4. Best Big Screen Slashie Female Pairing:

5. Best Slashie Novel Male Pairing:

6. Best Slashie Novel Male Pairing:

7. Best Slashie m/m Fic:

8. Best Slashie f/f Fic:

9. Best Slashie Fic Writer:

10. Best Slashie Musician/Band:

11. Best Band/Band Slashies:

12. Best Slashie RPG or original pairing: (could be involved in the SECA RPG, another RPG, or an original pair you're a fan of)

Please email me at and put "Slashies" in the subject line or comment here. Email would be better to keep voting unbiased. Voting will be open now through Sunday then I'll take the 3 most voted for nominees and put them up for final votes. Feel free to link here and invite friends to take part. Yay!
just look inside: sillysilly
apathy and urgency
15 October 2003 @ 12:35 pm
Poem I WroteCollapse )

RantageCollapse )

Love Letter To FayeCollapse )
just look inside: lovedloved
apathy and urgency
05 July 2003 @ 01:32 pm
From now on this journal will be friends only.
If you want access leave a comment and I'll probably add you.
apathy and urgency
05 July 2003 @ 03:02 am

Am tired. Fighting is annoying. I'm not the type to argue, I just nod and let people do what they want. But of course, I'm also not going to be used. And Angel, naturally I won't let people take advantage of my best friend. And Sarah would be hugely pissed. And other community members are. It's illegal. It's rude. It's immature. Blah. I'm tired of debating. I know that we're right, we've discussed the legality of it.

Bed time.
just look inside: crankycranky
apathy and urgency
04 July 2003 @ 07:13 pm
I thiiiink I'm going to go out and see the fireworks tonight. (Whee!) So will on later. Hopefully not too late. See everyone tonight. *mwah*

Today was nice. Had food, stuff that had enough nutrional value that I'm not dying. Hung out with aunts and uncles and cousins and grandparents. Fun. Love my cousins to death. Love everyone. Saw family pets. Cuteness. Did have a moment of grr-dom when I was called a homo as a joke. And then I didn't want to start arguing, in defense of my (as yet unknown by the extendeds) sexuality or my personality, so I left. Of cooooourse I had to go down to the lake where the neighbors were talking about lesbians and fags and blah di blah. What was up with that? Very annoying.

Anyway, mostly my day has been good. Hopefully the fireworks will be nice. See everyone laterrr.
just look inside: draineddrained
apathy and urgency
04 July 2003 @ 12:04 pm
Oh my God. I am so tired. I hardly slept, stupid insomnia. So sleepy. Parents think best way to solve this is to drag my lazy ass to my grandparents. I'm pretty sure a nap would work better, but okay. I like my family on this side, so will do.

But I'm taking pictures, dammit. They can't stop me. Even if the lake is high and going to make it hard to walk around the point. I laugh in the face of danger conformity wooded areas. I'm going to face the land of spiders, snakes and BUNNIES!...only I wrote bunnikes, which is like an evil cosmic joke on rabbits and running shoe owners everywhere.

Sooo...will probably get online there at some point. And will be on tonight. Lurve you all.

Once again, even though you probably won't be on, good luck Faye.
just look inside: sleepysleepy
apathy and urgency
03 July 2003 @ 10:42 pm

I figured out why I've been so tired and sick feeling. My sudden salad obsession? Not good for me. I've been eating 600-700 calories a day. Not enough. Totally not enough. So yeah, I've been feeling bad and now I know why. Need to add protein, fiber and calories to my food. Blah. I liiiike my salad how it is. Stupid health concerns.
apathy and urgency
03 July 2003 @ 12:38 am
My head says I'm tired but I don't want to go to sleep yet. Stupid brain. Blahage.

Feels like I should stay awake but...*pouts*

Going to stay up I suppose. And then I'll probably go to bed. Dunno.
just look inside: sleepysleepy
apathy and urgency
02 July 2003 @ 10:55 pm
Hee. Why are all of my friends cool Rogue-loving X-Men fanatics? I love my friends! Yay for my comic obsessed darlings! *hugs them*

apathy and urgency
02 July 2003 @ 01:29 pm
I am suddenly so disturbingly happy! Eeeee!

I think it's an odd Faye/incense/Placebo/char combi. Funfunfun.

I am dancing as I type which no one should ever see, but it's fun.

Hee. I started this post 8 minutes ago and just stopped bouncing long enough to write again. *grins*

Placebo fun to jump around to! *cuddles Brian*

Okay, this was a veryveryvery random, very odd, pointless post.

...but it was fun!
just look inside: bouncybouncy
to find yourself: Placebo - The Bitter End
apathy and urgency
02 July 2003 @ 12:11 am
From here.

strange and full of contrasts
often egoistic
broad horizon
unexpected reactions
unlimited ambition
no flexibility
difficult and uncommon partner
not always liked but often admired
ingenious strategist very jealous and passionate
no compromises.

Hmm...meish? Some of it. not too sure about a lot of the things though.
apathy and urgency
01 July 2003 @ 01:35 pm
Hee. A low plane flew over and Sarah starting mildly ranting about plane parts falling off and hitting us and I had to remind her that she was being morbid and very "Donnie Darko". Very odd of her, but hee. She blinked and said, "Oh." I don't think she realized she was ripping Jake off. *grins*

I'm boooored. And it's rainy. But pretty rainy. Shivery leaves from the raindrops. Pree.

I got back the pictures from (there's a Spider-man commercial on, distracting) the Faye-visit. Bardstown shopping pics and zoo pics. Eeeee, lurve them! Happy pictures! Friends! Animals! Me! Random people Kate took photos of! Lots of interesting things. I love them. Maybe I can hook up my grandparents' scanner and show everyone on Friday! Yay!

Okay, the Spider-man thing. Apparently MTV is going to have a new CG Spider-man show. May check it out, not sure. Hmm.

My mind is wandering..

I feel like drawing on my hand. Again. I do this a lot. Just a habit. It's fun. Hee.


*cuddles everyone*

*extra cuddles Faye, will miss*

Oh! Matthew Lillard is going to be on tv at some point. I lurve him, he's fun. And he's actually really sweet and smart. He was so insanely cool in Hackers. Hee. But, yeah. He's great. Hee! He's on, he amuses me. I'm pleased. But he has to have an awful haircut for the movie he's filming. So they can put the wig on. Poor boy. Poor his wife. *giggles*

My nail polish is already peeling and it's entirely my own fault. Stupid peeling-obsession. Just like Scott. I just pick at everything. I purposely paint my nails thick enough that I can pull it off in big strips. Crazy me. *grins*

Umm..yes. I think I've covered everything. That is all. *hugssss!*
just look inside: dorkydorky
apathy and urgency
30 June 2003 @ 06:33 pm
I am also insanely happy. *pokes the fairy* And...I'm bouncy. And singing. Again. But my voice isn't breaking, it's getting stronger so yay for that.

I painted my nails purpley. Dunno why, just wanted to. Matches my pajamas, randomly.

Happy Jessi! Very!

Icon MemeCollapse )
just look inside: lovedloved
apathy and urgency
30 June 2003 @ 01:13 pm
I had an entry typed up and it got eaten. Boo. Let me see if I can remember any of it...

Scott and I have been ick lately. Kind of...tired-dizzy-flushed. Not pleasant but I doubt it's horribly dangerous. So no one is allowed to worry. No one. I'll be fine.

I'm thinking it's either my asthma being odd (not making me wheezy but not getting enough oxygen into my system and making me dizzy) or whatever's BEEN wrong with me lately. Which the doctor's STILL haven't figured out. Oh well...

I'm so bored. *sighs* I've already played Pac Man and studied and talked to my family and now I'm singing. I need to do something...will probably take a walk later.

Singing is good. Voice is doing fine, hasn't tried to break or anything. Yay for that.

Blah, I have nothing decent to talk about. I am very boring on paper. Must more interesting in real life, I think. Oh well.
to find yourself: Lifehouse - Sick Cycle Carousel
apathy and urgency
29 June 2003 @ 09:52 pm
Jewel QuizCollapse )
apathy and urgency
29 June 2003 @ 07:55 pm
Someone bought me six more months of a paid account. Silly anonymous people. I lurve you, thank you so so much. I wanna know who it was though! He or she should email me or something! Thank you!! *cuddles*

I love my friends, they're the bestest ever. *grins*
just look inside: thankfulthankful
apathy and urgency
28 June 2003 @ 03:34 pm
Okay. Whoa. This is greeeat. My friend Elisabeth just wrote (I got a letter from her just now) me and told me that she's suicidal but she doesn't need professional help because I'm wise and can fix her and if I help her she'll never have a problem again. Okaaaay. I can sometimes give good advice. I am not *that* good. *blinks* I don't know what to say to her. I mean, other than yeah, professional help, but...she obviously thinks I'm ...better than that? Bah. Oddness.
just look inside: worriedworried
apathy and urgency
28 June 2003 @ 03:21 pm
I have decided that "Breathing" is my new favorite song even though I've heard it before. Just struck me today. Also, I have been singing so much that I've lost my voice. I am way too bad about getting into the music until it hurts me, both with my drumming and singing. I'm not even that good at either. I think I need to have my wrists tied together and my mouth taped shut when I listen to music so that I do not injure myself. It's really quite odd of me, I know it's hurting me, but I'l like, "Music important! Must finish the song! MUST!" and then I get hurted. Ouch. I'm crazy that way. I'm obviously too intense. It's not the best thing in the world. But it's how I am. And I've done this a million times so I know I'll be able to sing again tomorrow or drum next week or whatever. And then I can do it again. Brilliant.

*cuddles Faye* I'm sorry about all the icky that is today. Wish it had been happier for you. Don't like you being sad. I'd do something if I could. Or if you asked. Because I'm like that.

I don't have a whole lot to talk about. Have leadership tonight. Interesting. Will have to go fit in with the church people again. I'm in another of my uncomfortable there phases. Thinking about how I have to censor myself and act like I'm one of them even though if they knew much about how I am at home or online or whatever, I just wouldn't be accepted. I'd be an outcast. Or they'd try to change me, to fix me. And I don't want that, I like me. I mean...obviously I have issues with myself, everyone knows that, but I like being myself and I don't want to change the things they'd want me to. I don't want to magically become a well behaved, normal, straight, middle class girl. So there. But anyway. Yeah.

Lyrics to BreathingCollapse )
just look inside: blankblank
apathy and urgency
28 June 2003 @ 11:39 am
I have a cut on my finger. I think it's getting infected. Ew. Will care for it soon. Hurrah.

It's too hot here, it's making me feel ill.

Where are my friends? Hmm.

I went to sleep at like, 4am. I meant to sleep! I really did! Ask Angel, I told her I was going to sleep. But Sarah and Ashton were watching Fright Night in my room. And I love Fright Night. Everyone knows Jessi loves bad B Horror movies. Funfun. And I still hold high hopes for Evil Ed that he's not dead, just hurt and living in the old house. Cuz he was cool, even if he wasn't pretty. And dammit, I was slashing the unattractive actors in that movie. It was odd. But apparently the vampire just wants everyone. He has like, a zombie man-whore who's all cuddly and protective of him, he tells Evil Ed he can stop people from hurting him "if he'll just take his hand" and then he pulls Ed into his arms and covers him with his cheesy cape, he runs away with Amy and makes her a vampire too, then he invites the hero who's name I suddenly can't remember to come over and meets him on the stairs posing like a dork. Vampire. wants. everyone. That is all.

And then Tales From The Crypt came on, and I tried to watch it because Lou Diamond Phillips is cool. But I was too tired and it seems I will never see that episode. But I don't think it was going to be very good. So oh well.

*yawns* I'm still tired. Which is odd...ish. I mean, yes, I didn't get much sleep. But I slept enough, I think, to be awake now.

Hmm. I've got nothing else to say.
just look inside: boredbored
apathy and urgency
27 June 2003 @ 12:09 pm
So. Decided to spin around the room while listening to "Spin". Hmm. I think the boredom is melting my brain. I am afraid. Although...was very fun in my super giant flowy dress because it was all flouncy. Also, looked at the window but the world kept spinning. Hmm.

I really need a better way to pass the time.

Blood work came back. Everything is normal. The hell? What's going on with me? Yay for having NO ANSWERS! Bah. Do not like that.

Where are my friends? Hmmhmm? Am bored. Will read more. And listen to David Bowie. HAH! Beat that. Yeah. I know. You can't. Except maybe with David Bowie + somethingbetterthanreading. But I don't have any of those things right now. So...hey! Jack White is singing now.

This was so so so so random. Bye now!
just look inside: dizzy
apathy and urgency
25 June 2003 @ 11:14 pm
I practiced driving today. It was lurvely because I didn't hit/almost hit/kill/destroy anything. And I parked perfectly, or so my father says. And I'm great at turns. I just can't go straight. That's...insane. But oh well. I *can* go straight, I just have trouble staying in my lane well. I stay in, but it's close and crazy drivers could hit me. I'm good at remembering my signals and stopping too. So good. Maybe someday I'll go on a road trip or something. That'd be nice. Visit some of you. We practiced in an abandoned parking lot. Well, mostly. Like 4 other cars came to practice at the same time and a few cars cut through to get to other places faster. But that's okay because I avoided them well. So yay for me! Sarah was great too, I was nervous because she went first and did really well.

Also...Miss Faye, my father says if I keep walking and practicing to drive he'll pay for me to visit again. So maybe it would be better if I came up again this Summer (so if you had to you could still go to work, I mean, the world wouldn't end, we'd have all day and evening and maybeeee they'd let me hang around quietly) and then you could come down over Winter break at some point? Maybe? I dunno, lemme know what you think. And he offered, so I'm not insanely bothering him or anything. Yay.

Hmm. I *did* take my walk today. I ate 2 salads and some other "normal" food like potatoes and chicken. So mostly healthy. I need to drink more water though.

I am reasonably happy. I have plans for the future, visits coming up (which is kind of a relative turn, I'm not sure what's going on yet), healthy goodness going on, and random joy for...mostly those things, but yeah. Woo!
just look inside: bouncybouncy
apathy and urgency
25 June 2003 @ 05:16 pm
I've realized I'm burning an insane amount of incense. That I gave my parents as a gift. I just thought of the fact that it's probably because incense from trip=shopping with Kate and Faye=time with Faye=good memories. So yeah. It's probably *not* the best idea for my asthma but it keeps me calm. Happy. I smile at the incense. Cuz I'm a dork like that. Wow. As if we didn't know that before. *smiles*

I'm supposed to practice driving today but my father had to work late. Blahage. I hate that. Oh well.
just look inside: calmcalm
apathy and urgency
24 June 2003 @ 08:54 pm
Day 2Collapse )

Still working on day 3. May need Faye's help. Am going crazy that way.
apathy and urgency
24 June 2003 @ 08:53 pm
Trip ThoughtsCollapse )
apathy and urgency
24 June 2003 @ 08:49 pm
I keep wanting to type up an entry on my visit but...feel like I couldn't possibly do it justice. It was...wonderful. And...a million hugs to astaria51 for letting me come. It made me so incredibly happy. She knows that though. It was just a great time. Seeing my friends and going places and just talking was great. Their are a million and one inside jokes that I can't begin to explain. I'll try and write more about it. Maybe a day at a time? But...yeah. Perfect vacation, I think. Just wish it had been longer.

just look inside: cheerfulcheerful
apathy and urgency
24 June 2003 @ 08:31 pm
MemeCollapse )
apathy and urgency
24 June 2003 @ 01:12 pm
DeathCollapse )